CA :
PUMP
Masterbate Pay
There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Masterbate Pay. Priceless.
Card Comparison
See how Masterbate Pay stacks up against the competition. Spoiler: we lose every category.
Feature
Visa Card
Acceptance Rate
0% Worldwide
99.9% Worldwide
Rewards Program
0% Cashback
Up to 5% Cashback
Transaction Speed
Instant Decline
1-3 Seconds
Security Level
Thoughts & Prayers
Military-Grade Encryption
Customer Support
Eternal Hold Music
24/7 Live Support
Annual Fee
$999 + Hidden Fees
$0
Fraud Protection
What's Fraud?
Zero Liability
Credit Limit
$0.00
Up to $50,000
PRICELESS
Accepted Countries
Our card is proudly not accepted in these fine nations. They've all banned us for various reasons.
| Country | Flag | Ban Reason |
|---|---|---|
| United States | 🇺🇸 | Too many fraud complaints |
| United Kingdom | 🇬🇧 | Violates consumer protection laws |
| Germany | 🇩🇪 | Efficiency standards not met |
| Japan | 🇯🇵 | Honor system violated |
| France | 🇫🇷 | Not sophisticated enough |
| Canada | 🇨🇦 | Too polite to accept this card |
| Australia | 🇦🇺 | Classified as dangerous wildlife |
| Switzerland | 🇨🇭 | Banking standards laughably low |
| Sweden | 🇸🇪 | Already cashless, doesn't need this |
| Singapore | 🇸🇬 | Strict financial regulations exceeded |
| Norway | 🇳🇴 | Oil money doesn't need this nonsense |
| South Korea | 🇰🇷 | Tech standards too low |
| Netherlands | 🇳🇱 | Rejected for being too orange |
| New Zealand | 🇳🇿 | Sheep more reliable payment method |
| Brazil | 🇧🇷 | Carnival has better payment options |
| Antarctica | 🇦🇶 | Penguins declined to participate |
THE NUMBERS DON'T LIE
0
Acceptance Rate
999%
APR
0%
Cashback
∞
Fees
Card Updates
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